She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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