she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So here I am, sexting at work.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
