me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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