I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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