Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
