I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
