Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
