remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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