I think my fart just growled at me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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