I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
