Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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