your parents love me but you hate me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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