you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
