I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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