just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want her autograph on my taint
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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