who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize