I wish I could punch you in the face.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
