He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
