plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
