just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have feelings that need drinking.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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