...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
