I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
