They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This girl is more easily done than said...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
