You're my little dorito
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize