i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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