Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My life is pants optional.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
