Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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