i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
