I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Shame - the story of my life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
