yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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