38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize