I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
