You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
