I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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