wrigley field is MILF paradise
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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