Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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