I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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