i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
