I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize