there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
