my mouth tastes like poor choices
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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