stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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