The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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