how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
