he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
