ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
