do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
