You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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