Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
