I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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