i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
