Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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