He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
