I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
be right there i have to get my cape
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
