I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
