haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
