How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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