you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
