As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
