Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
