It's Friday. Sex?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need a beard to bite.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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