It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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