Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
