Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My vagina is officially offended.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
