I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
