Please, let me fuck your mom
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Randomize