You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize