Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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