I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
