cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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