Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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