theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
