I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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