If that was your dad, he is hot
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
