I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
