I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
