this boner is exhausting
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
