Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
