It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
