i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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