ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my sisters under your porch take her home
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
