under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
