In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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