I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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